Although we cannot completely eliminate this frustrating and often fatal issue, people should not drive anytime under the influence of alcohol, and drivers on the road must take precautions to avoid any possible incident involving drunk drivers; steps must be taken to lower the amount of drunk drivers on the roads.
I know it sounds sketchy, and it's sort of on the lines of the paper I am basing my research paper on, but please give me your feedback!! Thanks!
That is a really long thesis! Try to simplify it a bit; I'm sure there's word or phrases you could get rid of and it would still make sense.
ReplyDeleteI do really like this thesis, however, like Steph said, it is kind of long. Honestly, your last sentence sums up your entire first sentence, but that would be an extremely short thesis. So if you could, try combining them or adding some details to the second sentence. Otherwise, ignore me, because what do I know about writing a good thesis!? I can't even write my own good one! Hahah
ReplyDeleteThis is a great thesis even though it is really long, it perfectly sets up what your whole paper will be about and I feel this will work well for you.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with all three previous comments Jess. Although this thesis says a lot about what your paper is going to be about, it is very long! I would try to shorten it up and be a little more "straight forward." By getting straight to your point, your audience will know how serious your topic is. From there you could expand within your paper. Good start though!
ReplyDeleteThink short but sweet with your thesis. Good job though!
ReplyDeletegood statement. It may be a little long though??
ReplyDeleteSTOP TRYING TO SOUND SMART! ;) hahahha.
To be contradictory, I don't really have a problem with the lenght of the thesis. I think it clearly defines what you are going to talk about and provides for more interest.
ReplyDeleteUm... i find it pointless to comment because everyone here has stated practically everything imagineable about this thesis. The thesis may be long but it does get the point across.
ReplyDelete